Ladies, wanna get married?
If you're a single woman who desperately wants to be married but is struggling to meet your soulmate, then listen up. I have a can't-miss remedy that is sure to get you down the isle to say "I do" real soon. Just go out with me a few times. Seriously.
Today I found out that Emily, a girl I went out with a few times when I first moved to Raleigh two and a half years ago, got married over the summer. That keeps alive a strange but obvious pattern in my dating life. Including Emily, the last four girls I've gone out with have married the guy they began dating right after our relationship ended.
There's Heather, a girl I dated in high school and early college, Susan, a girl I dated early in college, Sharon, a girl I dated during and immediately after college and now Emily. So ladies, if you want to get married, just go out with me a few times and then get ready to meet your soulmate. That's a better deal than eHarmony! So if I can't be Mr. Right, I'll settle for Mr. Right Before. (All insterested ladies should leave their contact info in the comments section below.)
posted by Chad @ 10:46 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
According to Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, the mere act of observing a phenomenon changes that phenomenon. Since you have now observed this (definitely interesting) pattern in your relationship history, you have also permanently altered how this pattern will henceforth behave. Per the principles of quantum mechanics, there are two wavelengths of possibility that depending on the state of your love life might collapse into one certainty: the next girl you meet follows the pattern and goes on to marry another, or the next girl you meet realizes she just got lucky and falls madly in love with you and realizes there's no need to look any further. It is at this point that quantum mechanics fail utterly and can no longer be applied to the situation. In the meantime, consider yourself to be Schroedinger's "hopeful romantic" in that you are both with a girlfriend and without one simultaneously, until I as an outside observer witness that you either have one or you haven't one.
Though I do highly anticipate observing you with one in the near future :-)
chad... that's just... wow. maybe it can work the other way around? ever seen "unbreakable?" every superhero has an antithesis... okay, now i'm just getting a bit annoying.
man...
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